I didn’t do this last year because I’m a cynical dick and I’m way too skeptical of everything. I was pretty excited about Black Dynamite (review) and thankfully it didn’t disappoint but I was pretty much resigned to a year’s worth of disappointment everywhere else. I couldn’t have cared less for Drag Me To Hell and Friday the 13th, two movies the horror community was going apeshit about and in the end I wound up liking both quite a bit. So my resolution for this new year is a simple one: Stop being such an asshole and try to be a little more open minded about projects coming down the line. So here’s the official line for Cinema Suicide. 2010 is already shaping up to be a lot of fun and here’s why.
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World
Edgar Wright’s trickle down approach to promoting this movie while still in production is nothing short of infuriating. This is probably why I’m on the edge of my seat to see the final product. That and my discovery of these books earlier this year led to a sudden and minor obsession with the maddening genius of Bryan Lee O’Malley’s American-style manga about a Canadian slacker and the bullshit he has to endure in order to date the girl of his dreams. Oh. And also the insane fight scenes that involve power ups and Scott leveling up as though his world is a video game. It’s really just a goofy romance that has preoccupations with 8-bit videogames and garage rock but every act of the story is punctuated with consciousness altering bursts of crazy. It’s really something. Wright has a tall order to fill as filming Scott’s ordeal without all the flying around and dragon punches would be disingenuous and would misrepresent the books in a big way. Also, it’s a chance for Michael Cera to be something other than “the awkward guy” as Scott isn’t really in over his head like other Cera roles tend to be and is more in the way of the biggest alpha doofus you’ve ever seen. The only solid piece of intel about the release is 2010. I have no idea where it will land next year but this is looking like a summer flick if I’ve ever seen one.
They’ve been teasing us with pieces of Kick-Ass since the last San Diego Comic Con and with the release date in April, Lions Gate keeps dropping more posters and clips as if to keep us hanging on. I’m not sure that after all this hype they’re going to have needed the viral word of mouth buzz in the first place. The December 13th Alamo Draft House screening as part of the Ain’t It Cool film festival (I refuse to call it by its actual stupid fucking name) ran to wild praise and left an awful lot of bloggers in attendance pining for a repeat viewing. Word so far is that Matthew Vaughn’s adaptation of the Mark Millar/John Romita Jr. book is as an inspired piece of mayhem and is as good a representation as you could ask for of this blindingly violent comic book. From all the bloggery flying around since the screening, it’s looking like 12 year old Chloe Moretz is going to wind up walking away with this picture as her character, Hit Girl, is repeatedly noted as the movie’s highest point. I want to see this movie so bad right now that I can taste it. They just need to do something about that trailer. It’s a real piece of crap.
Atomic Brain Invasion
I’ve been romancing the shit out of Richard Griffin’s movies since 2008 when we picked up on the story of Beyond The Dunwich Horror and ever since then I’ve been singing the high praises of Scorpio Film Releasing, their relentless work schedule and uncanny dedication to the craft of b-movie production. Griffin is the future of the midnight movie circuit and the heir-apparent to the throne of Tromaville and coming this summer you can expect to find a positive review of his latest feature, Atomic Brain Invasion. The guy just can’t lose, I tell you. Aided by his troupe of actors and wingman/producer, Ted Marr, they continue to crank out quality cheese that has a uniquely Rhode Island kind of flavor to it. Atomic Brain Invasion, as you can probably guess, spoofs 50’s rock and roll movies as well as wonky low budget drive-in science fiction as a race of aliens invade Earth with the intention of kidnapping Elvis.
Iron Man 2
I fully realize that Iron Man 2 marks the third comic book adaptation on this list and I’m also aware that I have a habit of pissing all over Hollywood popcorn flicks but I really liked Iron Man. Favreau’s picture could have easily wound up in the same bargain bin as other Marvel properties that don’t feature mutants or radioactive spiders but it floated on the charm of Robert Downey Jr. who can’t seem to lose on his comeback trail. Also, I was blown away when Jeff “The Dude” Bridges went to the press and talked about how Iron Man didn’t really have a script and they more or less made it up as they went along on the set. For summer 2008 it was basically the anti-Dark Knight and I was fine with that because I also really liked that movie. So here comes more summer popcorn cheese with Mickey Rourke looking bad as hell in a hacked up Whiplash outfit and Scarlet Johansen in a latex catsuit. I’m a little disappointed that Terence Howard backed out but Don Cheadle in the War Machine armor ought to be the shit, y’all!
Ong Bak 3
I had my problems with Ong Bak 2 (review), namely that the story was shit even by Thailand standards and that it ended on a frustrating cliffhanger but had Tony Jaa not had a complete mental breakdown on the set, basically trying to do everything himself, the resultant picture could have been one of the finest martial arts movies of all time as Tony not only blew asses out with the realness but he also incorporated Chinese and Japanese martial arts into his movie to create one of the most colorful ass kick pictures of the last decade. A lot more focus and 100% less Chernobyl grade mental freak out and he could have it all. But all is not lost and this coming year we’ll get to see what happens when all seems lost. I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that Tony probably kills all those dudes who have him pinned on the ground with spears.
I really hope that Daybreakers becomes the movie that I Am Legend should have been because it’s the only horror movie on my list unless you count Atomic Brain Invasion. 2010 isn’t looking too hot if you’re a horror movie and there’s not a lot to look forward to but given the current context of vampires, it’s going to be nice to see them as a predatory and tragic creature rather a soft-spoken pussy with a romantic streak for what it should be stalking and killing. Out of 2010’s menu of horror movies, this is probably the most interesting one. We’re getting more sequels of reboots and The Killer Inside Me as well as Stake Land both look promising but this one here is the most ambitious of the bunch and boasts a pretty sweet cast with the likes of Sam Neill, Ethan Hawle and Willem Dafoe.
Bear with me. I know how absolutely fucking insane this is going to sound but have you read the plot synopsis for Boogie Town? Do you even know what it is? This on par with Death Wish 3 crazy. It takes place a few years in the future where dance battles are outlawed and crews still get together for illegal dances. As is typical with these sorts of movies, the main story lifts all of its plot elements right out of West Side Story but there’s an angle about a secret government agency that wants New York’s best dancers because they want to make super soldiers out of their DNA or something to that effect. So you basically sit in for your stock You Got Served/Step Up kind of number and get some cyberpunk near-future dystopian setting with sprinkles of Universal Soldier all set to a modern hip-hop soundtrack and a Broadway foundation. Game. Set. Match. Oh yeah, the main characters also have super dancing powers and the special detail that busts dancers is called The Boogie Police. I swear to god, I am not making this up.