I may have mentioned this in the past but I fucking hate the ocean. Ironic seeing as how I’ve spent 30 years of my life living within driving distance of it but let me tell you this, O, my brothers (and sisters), I don’t wade out past knee deep water because scary shit lives in the ocean and once you’re in the tide, you’re immediately shunted to the bottom of the food chain. There is shit down there below the surface that is much better suited to moving swiftly and eating the ass out of anything without the streamlined biological design to get the hell out of the way, namely you and me or anything else built for walking around solid ground. The majority of this planet is covered in it and we haven’t explored more than 20% of the god damn thing so it’s completely reasonable to suspect that there are substantial discoveries in the field of marine biology to be made. I’m talking unseen species of fish and mammals that we’ve never seen because they live really deep or there’s plenty of room for them to hide since light doesn’t penetrate the water anymore once you’ve hit the abyssopelagic level of the deep, about 13,000 feet down. Shit gets real spooky down there. What’s more, while tin foil hat types keep their cameras pointed at the sky looking for UFOs, there’s a whole class of unidentified objects that exist down there under the ocean, the so-called USO, the Unidentified Submerged Object and that’s what tonight’s entry into the countdown is about. Crazy shit going on under the ocean that nobody can identify.
In Lovecraft’s Call of Cthulhu, Cthulhu lies dead but dreaming on the sunken isle of R’Lyeh. In the story, a ship sails to an actually very specific set of coordinates located south west of the southernmost tip of South America where R’Lyeh suddenly rises and Cthulhu pretty much makes everyone his bitch and leaves the lone survivor a raving lunatic. It’s a great story but check this shit out. A mere 950 miles from these actual coordinates, the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration detected something on underwater microphones that pretty much freaked everybody out. They call it Bloop and it’s frightening. Bloop is a powerful, massive sound that oceanographers are at a loss to explain. Through deep analysis of Bloop’s audio profile, they’ve ruled out the possibility of the sound being of human origin, like a submarine or a bomb. Nor is it an earthquake or a volcano. As a matter of fact, the audio profile matches that of an animal but it’s several times louder than the largest known animal in the ocean, the blue whale. Since it’s discovery, Bloop has been heard several times and in other parts of the ocean other huge, unexplained sounds have been detected, specifically one they’re calling The Slow Down and another heard in the equatorial Atlantic called Julia. It’s likely we’ll never find out the source of these things. 50% of the Earth’s oceans exist in the abyssal plane, way too fucking deep and vast for most equipment to go before it’s positively fucking crushed by the pressure.