4 Jan

Love Cinema Suicide style!

Posted by Bryan White | Wednesday January 4, 2012 | News

Wedding teaser

Marriage. Serious business. Tremendous amounts of cash find themselves dumped on this most sacred institution but let’s face it, folks. You’ve seen one set of wedding photos, you’ve seen them all. If you’re married, I can pretty much guarantee that your wedding photos and the ensuing photosets from the reception look exactly like mine. Without variation. Still, these things wind up on everyone’s Facebook and we, out of a sense of duty, feel compelled to scrutinize each one and press the like button for some of them because that is what civilized people do. This set of wedding photos – engagement photos, really – actually merit your valuable time and if you were to be Facebook friends with Julian Sunmi Park and Benjamin Jinsuk Lee, you would most certainly like the whole set and then comment that you wish you could press the like button a thousand more times. The reason for this after the jump.

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3 Jan

Claymation stimulates the pineal gland to reveal the horrors… From Beyond

Posted by Bryan White | Tuesday January 3, 2012 | News

It’s no secret that I am a dyed in the wool fan of H.P. Lovecraft and if there’s one thing I like as much as the man’s own work, it’s interpretations and expansions on that work. Lovecraft’s common setting, New England and the maniacs therein who plumb the outer reaches of accepted science and esoterica, is a lush, vibrant place of endless possibilities in the realm of horror and science fiction. There are plenty of movies loosely based on the works of Lovecraft and whole new works taking place in that world. I love the movies of Stuart Gordon and the many Lovecraftian-themed board games that emanate from that place. At one time, Zombie Bomb series co-creator, Rich Woodall, and I were discussing a collaboration on a Lovecraft-inspired anthology comic that never really came together, but you see the possibilities with the material.

The video above was spotted on Strange Kids Club’s host-with-the-most, Rondal Scott’s Facebook wall and I couldn’t resist posting it here. For big budget production crews, Claymation is an excruciating, time consuming process. Those old Wallace and Gromit shorts used to take Aardman forever to knock out, so it’s an understatement to say that an indie like Red Hatchet Films was ambitious when they took on the adaptation of the Lovecraft short, From Beyond. Unlike Gordon’s adaptation of the movie, which takes wild liberties (as do most of his Lovecraft projects), this one gets it mostly right and presents the material as it is in the text, for the most part. The lighting, the menacing narration and the excellent portrayal of the hidden universe translates Lovecraft’s expertise at evoking dread perfectly. I defy you to find fault with this short!

22 Nov

100% culinarily accurate! The Turbaconepicentipede: Full Sequence! Happy Thanksgiving, motherf*CAW*ers!

Posted by Bryan White | Tuesday November 22, 2011 | News

Epic Meal TimeI keep hearing that Youtube is some kind of full-on replacement for TV, what with all these channels providing web series after web series. Some of these shows are produced on a peanuts and some have actual production value like something you might see on, you know, actual television but they all have one thing in common that I can’t get over: I usually don’t get it.

It’s times like these when I really feel the generation gap. It’s not like I’m really all that old but I watch some of these clips of the top Youtubers with their Vans slip-ons, wind-swept scene hair, making goofs on Metroid and Super Mario Brothers steeped in dubstep remixes of the Legend of Zelda theme song and it all just goes right over my head. I tell you, it makes me feel old. So f*CAW* those guys. All of them.

Except for Epic Meal Time.

I could watch and have watched Epic Meal Time for marathon stretches. Those Quebecois motherf*CAW*ers are funny, once again supporting my Greater Theory of Canadian Comedy. If you’ve never seen them, it breaks down like this: Big mouthed Harley is the ring-leader of a bunch of maniacs who create ridiculous meals that generally consist of massive amounts of fast food, junk food and *CAW*loads of bacon. They have a theme: Make a meat car, make a giant s’more, make a giant protein bar and they handily get to work. At the bottom of the screen they usually count the calories and fat, which number in the thousands of grams, or kilograms, if you will (and I think you will). In the end, Harley’s hatchetman, a surly personal trainer known only as Muscles Glasses, messily chows down on whatever they’ve made. Between the conception of the meal and completion, they drink a sh*CAW*load of Jack Daniels. The latest installment of Epic Meal Time goofs on The Human Centipede in a most horrific way, therefore qualifying it for greater syndication on Cinema Suicide. I present to you: 800,000 calories of Thanksgiving horror. Sixty turkeys containing ducks, chicken, cornish game hens, quail, stuffing, covered in bacon and sewn inside ten whole roasted pigs, sewn together anus to mouth. If Epic Meal Time wasn’t already a celebration of excess, this episode features cameos from other Youtube stars, Smosh, that chick from My Drunk Kitchen, Jimmy Wong, etc. They also seize the moment to promote crass commercialism in the name of Epic Meal Time bacon products, which includes bacon-flavored lube. You know? For fuckin’.

During October they actually did a Cthulhu-themed meal and presented it at a Deadmau5 show. This would have qualified for Cinema Suicide syndication as well, except that they really didn’t eat much of it. It involved octopus tentacles and sh*CAW* and most of it went unconsumed, instead using the opportunity to promote Deadmau5, who I think is worthless.

18 Nov

Halo-8’s Matt Pizzolo organizing Occupy Comics to benefit Occupy Wall Street!

Posted by Bryan White | Friday November 18, 2011 | News

Occupy Comics - GodkillerThis is the internet and I realize that a lot of you out there are going to feel compelled to add your voice to the ongoing discussion about Occupy Wall Street in my comments section. Internet comments are like retard magnets and quite a few of my articles seem to draw the absolute dregs of internet commentary. I’m talking worse than Youtube comments. So I’m just going to put this on front street and you can absorb it or let it wash over you. I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU THINK OF OCCUPY WALL STREET. Personally, I am a huge supporter of the entire Occupy movement. I do not see it as a vague and muddled message. Growing movements don’t come together around vague and muddled messages. If you fail to see what’s going on around you and you can’t understand what’s happening on the streets down there in New York and Oakland and DC and everywhere else that protesters are sitting in, being abused by the cops, then that is your problem.

If you happen to be a sensible American who has had it with policy being influenced by huge corporations and banks, or if it bothers you that the very people who ruined our economy so spectacularly have been given tax money paid by you and I so that they can keep their banks alive and still post record profits you’re going to want to have a look at this. There are people on the ground in the Occupied cities who endure regular police brutality and the general change of the seasons just to make sure that nobody goes home until this shit is resolved and they need help in a logistical sense to make sure that no one starves or freezes to death. Plenty of people in a position to front some cash and deliver the goods are doing what they can and among the latest to join the fray is Matt Pizzolo of Halo-8 Entertainment.

The People's LibraryPizzolo explains that since the face of the resistance, the Guy Fawkes mask (actually a symbol Anonymous has been using for quite some time), came from comics, immortalized in Alan Moore’s absolutely sweeping comic book saga of rebellion, V For Vendetta, then the story of Occupy Wall Street ought to be told in similar format. To this end, he has pulled together a stable of artists who will tell that story through various artistic expressions in a series of comics called Occupy Comics. With people on board such as: Charlie Adlard (The Walking Dead), Joseph Michael Linsner (Dawn), Ben Templesmith (30 Days of Night), Darick Robertson (Transmetropolitan), Douglas Rushkoff (one of my favorite media-theorists) and Amanda Palmer (Dresden Dolls, aka Neil Gaiman’s wife) not to mention many, MANY more. This is a really gigantic project and these are just the names on the list that jumped out to me.

This isn’t just a cash grab by Halo-8, though. That would be incredibly sleazy not to mention wholly uncharacteristic of Pizzolo’s organization. There are obviously costs associated with the production of a comic. The contributors are pros and need to be compensated. There are filmmakers documenting the comic’s production, servers to host the digital copies of the comics, an eventual hardback compilation of all the work. These people need to  be paid. Ultimately, according to the Occupy Comics website, these people will turn around and donate all of the money they received to the Occupy movement to buy shit like food, clothing, heaters and other essential survival equipment but for right now, they have to collect a little bit of cash. In the end, their donation becomes tax-deductible, so you can see the incentive. Pizzolo guarantees that it’ll be a transparent process. Occupy Comics is a strictly not-for-profit venture. According to Pizzolo:

I’m hyper aware of the need to keep things transparent,”said Pizzolo. “Halo-8 is only lending support because it can, but ideally third-party accounts will send all revenue directly to the fund–and I’d love for an indie publisher to step in. I don’t want this getting muddy and the more checks & balances the better. The idea is to keep hard costs as low as physically possible and all other revenue goes directly to the protesters.

Occupy Wall Street Protester by Molly CrabappleOccupy Wall Street has been an inspiring movement. I’ve been a jaded and cynical asshole for the last 12 years. This country didn’t so much as lift a finger when the Bush Whitehouse all but mailed us each a baggy of Karl Rove’s feces to show its utter contempt for us. I was convinced that we would continue to allow all of these assholes to just do what they wanted. Who would have the balls to hit the street and start pushing back if they hadn’t by now but Occupy Wall Street has given me a tremendous amount of hope. It turned out that there was a tipping a point after all. Two months on, hundreds arrested, some severely injured by our very own police, worsening weather conditions, endless media criticism, pre-dawn evictions from the encampments; The Occupy movement has adequately demonstrated that it isn’t going anywhere. It reorganizes and changes to suit the times. We are presently looking at the most significant political movement of our lives and at this point it’s either join the protest or get the fuck out of the way.

I am the 99%.

Get more information at the following resources:

7 Nov

Rescue the fading Style Wars outtakes footage!

Posted by Bryan White | Monday November 7, 2011 | News

Style WarsI watch a lot of documentaries and I listen to a lot of hip hop. The New York style of the early 80’s and the wave of electro-funk that emerged in that time in that place are my particular cup of tea. It probably explains why I have such a soft spot for breaksploitation flicks like Beat Street and Breakin’ (even though that takes place in LA). Combine that love with my nerdy hipster tilt toward documentary and it should come as no surprise that my favorite doc of all time is Style Wars. Have you ever seen Style Wars? If not, I’m going to have to suggest you drop everything right now and dig up a copy. It shouldn’t be too hard to find. It was released in a sweet 2-disc package a couple of years ago and to my knowledge, it’s not out of print. It is, quite frankly, amazing.

Style Wars is a time capsule of New York City in the early 1980’s that captures street culture as we know it today in its infancy. It’s mostly about the artists and writers who pioneered the art of train graffiti. It gets up close and personal with the artists and you see them at work. It also spotlights the dance crews of the time as well as the musicians producing the hip hop and electro and shows their interconnectedness, exploring why it was such a vital movement and meant so much to the kids on the street at the time. It’s real. It’s raw. Art is this is abstract concept that so many people perceive as this high-culture thing that happens in posh galleries and art schools around the country but Style Wars shows that the truth is the exact opposite of this. The art in Style Wars is freely available during any ride around the city on a train. It comes from your average teenager. It’s confrontational and expresses very real sentiments as well as being something that’s very nice to look at. It’s the voice of the street.

When it was produced in 1981, the filmmakers shot 30 hours of footage that wound up getting cut down to 69 minutes for broadcast and while this is a white-hot 69 minutes of a now mythical age of New York City, the hours of unseen footage (some of it available as outtakes on the DVD) is just as fascinating. The film’s producer, Henry Chalfant wants to make this footage available in a supplemental DVD release but to do this he’s going to have to rescue that footage. With digital film technology, this is going to be possible but at a hefty price tag of $28,000! Naturally, he’s turned to the internet. Using the killer Kickstarter platform, Chalfant is appealing to the masses out there for help in making this project happen. Like all other Kickstarters, you get something when you chip in, so pop over to the Kickstarter page, see the footage, see the promo clip and throw Henry a few bucks, will ya? They need to raise $28,000 in 30 days and as of this writing, they have $4,000 wit 28 days to go. We can make this happen! The film is amazing and the entire story of Style Wars is dying to be told!

Donate to the Style Wars outtakes project now!

Need convincing? You can watch the doc here, courtesy of Pitchfork Media

7 Nov

The Innkeepers trailer: Looking good y’all!

Posted by Bryan White | | News

The InnkeepersI really didn’t care for House of the Devil. I know. I can sense each of you clutching your pearls in horror. That flick was the darling of many a horror blogger in the run up to its general release when those of us not lucky enough to catch it early at a film fest and bask in the warm glow of hype finally got a chance to see what everyone was talking about. It just didn’t move me. Personally, I thought it wasted all of its potential on keeping its time in a bottle quality consistent as if we were really watching a movie  made in the early 80’s. I understand that that’s what a lot of people liked best about it but I’ve seen enough of those movies that try to capture a particularly nostalgic character of our dear beloved horror genre. Ti West proved himself a capable filmmaker with House of the Devil but left me wondering if he could tell a quality story. With The Innkeepers, I’m hoping that he rights the ship and leaves me cold sweats.

This trailer seems to have all the right moves. Haunted house flicks seem to me to be the hardest sort of horror movie to do right because you have to take a measured approach to your filmmaking craft. Major Hollywood productions chasing ghostly spooks and creeps fare seem to botch the process every time, convinced that what we as a horror movie audience want to see is elaborate and grotesque monster make up. To a huge studio sinking millions of dollars into production and marketing, it doesn’t seem to make sense that phantom sounds and unexplained phenomena is enough to move ticket buyers in the general direction of the box office but when you’re working independently and budget appropriations for future projects don’t hinge on a strong opening weekend, you have a certain freedom to let your imagination run wild and make the kind of picture that you want. My personal favorite haunted house movie is Michael Winner’s ‘The Sentinel’, a seriously spooky flick from the man who brought you ‘Death Wish’. It’s a total fluke and it seems like West and I share a particular fondness for that one seeing as how West’s latest feature seems to capture The Sentinel’s vibe without pointing directly at it and namechecking it. Sure, you have some shock shots of gruesome ghosts but it seems to also let your imagination run wild with some spooky ammo courtesy of the power of suggestion and a quality audio track. Check it below and let me know what you think. I had a feeling we were seeing a new film talent rise out of Ti West but House of the Devil wasn’t it. I suspect that The Innkeepers may be the movie that makes him a household name.

29 Sep

Dexter vs. Dexter

Posted by Bryan White | Thursday September 29, 2011 | News

Because season 6 of Dexter starts back up this Sunday on Showtime, I present you with this:


27 Sep

Trailer Tuesday: John Dies At The End & The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)

Posted by Bryan White | Tuesday September 27, 2011 | News

John Dies At The End

It’s been a little while since I’ve seen anything that has really gotten me excited and while I can’t exactly say that I’m looking forward to another Human Centipede movie, the thrill ride aspect of this latest one, which looks incredibly fucking vile, is something to talk about. There’s also this matter of a new Don Coscarelli flick and no matter how you slice it, that is definitely something to talk about. So let’s start there, shall we?

John Dies At The End by David Wong, a pen name for Jason Pargin a writer for cracked.com, is what would happen if the regulars at 4chan’s /z/ board had written Naked Lunch. It’s a particularly strange horror novel where a pair of 20-something jackasses get wrapped up with a fictional drug on the street called Soy Sauce. Soy Sauce grants the user an out of body experience and clairvoyance. It is an unbelievably weird story involving a tremendous amount of modern internet-borne paranormal mythology and paranoia. It’s also massively self-aware with the author, David Wong, being a major player in the story. John Dies At The End is modern psychedelic horror, it’s cult, it’s fucked up and everyone should read it. Director Don Coscarelli, one of my favorites thanks to the Phantasm pictures and Bubba Ho-Tep returns to the director’s chair with the feature film adapted from the novel and I gotta tell ya, it’s looking badass! Cast a gander, bitches!

Next up, we’ve been hearing about the Human Centipede sequel pretty much since the first one leaked onto the internet and freaked everyone out. My review of the movie is a harsh but positive look at a movie that no one should see but in hindsight, I actually think that Human Centipede (First Sequence) is pretty silly. A little while back it was announced that the whole of England decided that they were having none of that shit and preemptively banned the movie citing that it was harmful, thus ensuring that bootlegs would flood the British homeland and occupy the hard drives and mobile devices of everyone with an adventurous streak. It also made sure that this movie would be widely circulated and wildly popular. It’s even wearing the British censorship like a badge of honor. They mention it in the pull quotes at the end of the trailer, which by the way, looks unbearably nasty. Thought the last one was bad? This one looks a thousand times worse. Quite frankly, from what I hear about it, I’m not even sure I want to see it and this is coming from a guy who sat through the entire uncut run of A Serbian Film (and hated every fucking god forsaken second of it). Honestly, folks. With the nasty tone of this extreme shit coming out lately, I’m not sure I can handle this anymore. Can you see why maybe I’m not posting here as much as I used to. Either way, this trailer starts off gently and ends on exactly the note that Tom Six wanted to end on. I’m sure that every time he rolls something new out about it, he laughs his ass off at the collective internet frenzy that results. Expect sick things upon release.

9 Aug

Friday the 13th: Infographic style!

Posted by Bryan White | Tuesday August 9, 2011 | News

Yours truly, right here, is a gigantic Jason Voorhees fan. I’ve probably mentioned it in passing but of the big franchise killers of the 1980’s, I was always a Jason fan. You have your Freddy fans who seem to be on par with fans of Apple products. They go apeshit over every little announcement related to Freddy Krueger. They hang with Robert Englund at the cons like he’s Steve Jobs announcing the latest nuances of the new iPhone release. Jason fans, on the other hand, are a lot like Windows users. There’s, like, 9 million guys who played Jason and every sequel was wildly different, though sharing a lot of common functionality with previous versions of the product. Fundamentally we all realize that it sucks but when it works, man alive! Friday the 13th is awesome! Halloween is like Linux. It doesn’t give a fuck about the franchise wars and lives totally outside the battleground. Its users are savvy and don’t concern themselves with the platform wars. Most of the sequels are cult faves but the original is like Fedora and the second part is like Ubuntu.

Nerdy enough for you? Not making sense anymore? Don’t worry about it. I’m about to dumb down this shit big time with everyone’s favorite scourge of the internet, the infographic. Can’t parse raw data? Pie charts too obtuse? Want some clever visuals to define your data and entertain you? Here’s the entire body count of the Friday the 13th series, excluding the 2009 remake (which I liked).

Jason Voorhees Body Count

4 Aug

Fuck it, dude. Let’s go bowling. Lebowski Fest NY celebrates Lebowski on Blu-ray!

Posted by Bryan White | Thursday August 4, 2011 | News

The Big Lebowski Blu-rayBecause of DVD and its obnoxious tendency to publish two or three versions of a single movie in special and special-er editions I’ve never owned The Big Lebowski, one of my all-time favorite movies. I’ve come to recognize which titles will find their way to double and triple dipping land before they’re even released on disc. Lebowski is one of those discs. Originally available for the longest time in a pretty much bare bones edition and then re-released in a special edition, I nearly sprung for the latter until I realized that I was the owner of a Blu-ray player and that it was only a matter of time before Lebowski was released there. Since I rarely drop cash on blu (and the fact that it conveniently streams on Netflix), I figured I could satisfy my Lebowski cravings with the Netflix version until the Blu was released. We are finally upon that moment.

On a related note, I’ve always wanted to attend Lebowski Fest, a sort of convention for the Strikes, Spares and White Russian set. It’s a weekend loaded with bowling, a screening of the movie, and wild partying whose cosplay is as nerdy and obsessed with details as an anime convention. It’s like a Star Trek con with far more boobs. Friends Larry Clow (Cinema S contributor) and co-host of the Filmjitsu podcast, Mike Merrigan, have attended and they report good things (They’re also bigger fans of the movie than me by a mile and recorded a commentary track that is the shit). They did one in Boston a couple of years back, which is probably the only way I’d actually make it out to such an event, but I missed it by mere-weeks when it came to my attention that there actually was a Lebowski Fest held in Boston. How convenient. So discount my sour grapes as I report to you that the upcoming release of the Blu-ray coincides with the next Lebowski Fest to be held in New York. In celebration of this spiffy new special-est edition, Lebowski Fest organizers and Universal have put together a reunion that will bring Jeff Bridges, Julianne Moore, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi and T Bone Burnette to the Hammerstein Ballroom for what is going to be the kind of Lebowski Fest that fans will sing about with such vigor that Norse Sagas will pale in comparison.

If it’s not sold out already, expect it to sell out soon. Order your tickets here.

The Blu comes with the following shit (snipped right out of the press release for your convenience!)


  • U-CONTROL: Universal’s exclusive feature that lets the viewer access bonus materials without leaving the movie!
  • Scene Companion: Watch cast and crew interviews, behind the scenes footage and more during key scenes with this picture-in-picture companion.
  • Mark it Dude: This onscreen counter really ties the film together. Keep track of all the “F-Bombs,” “Dudes,” and “Dude-isms” in the film with this ultimate fan guide.
  • The Music of The Big Lebowski: Instantly identify the songs heard while watching the film, create a custom playlist of your favorites and even purchase them from iTunes®!
  • WORTHY ADVERSARIES: WHAT’S MY LINE TRIVIA: Test your Lebowski knowledge by finishing lines of dialogue during the film. Play as Walter or The Dude or in two-player mode against friends.
  • BD-LIVE: Access the BD-Live™ Center through your Internet-connected player to watch the latest trailers and more.
  • pocket BLU™: The groundbreaking pocket BLU™ app uses iPhone®, iPod® touch, Android™, PC and Macintosh to work seamlessly with a network-connected Blu-ray™ player. Also available on the iPad™, owners can enjoy a new, enhanced edition of pocket BLU™ made especially to take advantage of the tablet’s larger screen and high resolution display. Consumers will be able to browse through a library of Blu-ray™ content and watch entertaining extras on-the-go in a way that’s bigger and better than ever before. pocket BLU™ offers advanced features such as:
    Advanced Remote Control: A sleek, elegant new way to operate your Blu-ray™ player. Users can navigate through menus, playback and BD-Live™ functions with ease.
    Video Timeline: Users can easily bring up the video timeline, allowing them to instantly access any point in the film.
  • Mobile-To-Go: Users can unlock a selection of bonus content with their Blu-ray™ discs to save to their device or to stream from anywhere there is a Wi-Fi network, enabling them to enjoy content on the go, anytime, anywhere.
  • Browse Titles: Users will have access to a complete list of pocket BLU™-enabled titles available and coming to Blu-ray™ Hi-Def. They can view free previews and see what additional content is available to unlock on their device.
  • Keyboard: Entering data is fast and easy with your device’s intuitive keyboard.
  • uHEAR™: Never miss another line of dialogue with this innovative feature that instantly skips back a few seconds on your Blu-ray™ disc and turns on the subtitles to highlight what you missed.


  • JEFF BRIDGES PHOTO BOOK: For more than 30 years, Jeff Bridges has been snapping pictures on movie sets. The accomplished photographer presents exclusive shots taken on the set of The Big Lebowski providing personal commentary on each photo.
  • THE DUDE’S LIFE: Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, Julianne Moore, Steve Buscemi and John Turturro take a look back at their performances and their delivery of the Coen Brothers’ dialogue that became classic movie lines.
  • THE DUDE ABIDES: THE BIG LEBOWSKI TEN YEARS LATER: A freewheeling conversation with the cast about the film’s decade-long reign as a cult classic, including a discussion about what ever happened to the “little Lebowski” that the Dude and Maude made that fateful night!
  • THE LEBOWSKI FEST: AN ACHIEVER’S STORY: An in-depth look at the popular Lebowski Festival, formed by the legion of fans in honor of the film.
  • FLYING CARPETS & BOWLING PIN DREAMS: THE DREAM SEQUENCES OF THE DUDE: From aerial flights over Los Angeles with his bowling ball chasing Maude on a flying carpet, to the large scale “Busby Berkley” dance sequences as The Dude goes flying through the legs of all the bowling pin headed dancers, this piece examines how these “ahead of their time” scenes were constructed.
  • THE MAKING OF THE BIG LEBOWSKI: A behind the scenes look featuring interviews with the Coen Brothers.
  • PHOTO GALLERY: Slideshow of Jeff Bridges’ on-set photography.
  • INTERACTIVE MAP: Take a tour of the locations of The Big Lebowski, then and now.
  • AN INTRODUCTION: Featuring Mortimer Young, a practitioner of “non-uptight” film preservation. His restoration of the famous “toe scene” will blow your mind.
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