Look, I try and sell people on the virtues of being a blogger all the time. This hot new outlet in the media world is being seized by savvy marketing folks all the time and I’m constantly being sent shit by companies that would like me to say very nice things about their product. So if you need a reason to start up your own blog, consider this: If you’re good at it, stuff will just start arriving in the mail. Understand this, though, I’m no Harry Knowles. Free shit guarantees you nothing, my friends. I’m flattered that you would like to grace me with review swag, but if whatever it is that you send me sucks, I’m going to tell it like it is.
Most of the time I’m receiving movies and comic books, but Harcos Laboratories recently surprised me by sending me a few packs of Zombie Blood Energy Potion, a review product that I’m supposed to ingest and I have to tell you, I was pretty excited. Nobody sends me food or drink and I’d really like to see more of this stuff. I wish I could get to the point and stop orbiting this review but I’m afraid that Zombie Blood Energy Drink has me so fucking wired that I can’t concentrate.
See, I used to be a connoisseur of energy drinks. I have consumed many of them and shaved precious time off my narrowing lifespan. I know a thing or two about energy drinks. Eventually, I slowed my consumption of them because I heard really strange things about the effects of taurine on lab animals and that shit isn’t cheap, you know. So ordinarily I wouldn’t pay out for a Zombie Blood Energy Drink because it runs a mean $5. Thanks to the virtue of blogging, I get to try it out and let you know how I feel about it. Here goes:
Zombie Blood Energy Drink is a bit of a misnomer. It’s a drink and it provides energy but rather than come in a can like a Red Bull or something, it’s more like a 5-Hour Energy Drink and a smaller shot comes in a plastic bag that looks like a bag of blood, a bag of green blood, that is. Do you remember those fruit drinks that came in little plastic barrels you used to get as a kid? It had the foil top that was a bitch to peel off. When you tasted it, it was sweet as hell but seemed like it was hiding something dire and chemical beneath all that sugar. Understand this: Zombie Blood tastes a little like a “green” one of those. the flavor isn’t terribly unpleasant and when compared to a 5-Hour Energy Drink it’s like mana from heaven since those little bastards are vile and manufactured in Satan’s Cauldron. The taste is pleasing and it’s gone too soon but the real draw here is the rush. The energy doesn’t come on slow, it hits you like a freight train and lights you up like Horace Pinker. As I write this, I have to fight the strongest urge to go out and do laps around the building.
Harcos makes themed energy drinks. They have potions that looks like the hit point and mana potions from World of Warcraft and there’s a blood bag that looks like regular blood. To drive the point home, these energy drinks manage to stay remarkably low in the calories department (around 45 per dose) and contain the approximate nutritional content of actual blood, that is to say a shitload of iron and protein. The price is mostly rolled into the packaging, which is kind of a drag, but if you’re planning on spending your evening on one of those ten hour raids in WoW, this is probably what you want to be drinking instead of several cans of Monster. The price is steep, but at that sort of rate, it’s actually a bit economical and you won’t have to either get up and take a leak several times or stay at your computer, shamefully pissing into an empty Monster can.