It’s a hallmark of proper exploitation to produce a low budget version of a theatrical sensation and even though Ninja Assassin seems to have slipped through the cracks of this year’s much-bemoaned short box office dollar, there’s certainly room for imitators because ninjas are timeless, baby! Who doesn’t like a good ninja movie? More to the point, who doesn’t like a bad ninja movie? In the 80’s, Golan Globus and Sho Kosugi carved veritable video store empires with a series of godawfully shameful ninja flicks, many of which starred round eyed gaijin holding high ranking positions in a tradition of martial arts that is historically exclusive to the Japanese. This, itself, is hilarious but it’s also an artifact of 80’s racist policies about Western audiences embracing ethnic hero archetypes in their schlocky, stupid fucking movies. Still, it’s an ironic breath of fresh air to find that this policy is alive and well in 2009.
Isaac Florentine’s Ninja, which I feel the need to spell explicitly every time for the benefit of search spiders, has got to be one of the strangest real-life anachronisms I’ve yet to encounter. This kind of ninja movie is hard to conceive of. A part of its spirit seems locked firmly in 1985 and that’s a really good thing because it seems to exist outside of time. I really love martial arts movies but usually only when they’re produced in Asia because fighting actors are more commonly found in Hong Kong, Seoul and Tokyo than they are in the West and it usually makes for that difficult combination of skills that makes characters a believable lot. Here in the states, fighting actors tend to be picked from a more capable stable of stuntmen. For whatever reason, maybe they did Brigadoon in High School before their career path found them leaping off of tall buildings while on fire for a living. Or in Scott Adkins’ case, maybe you’re just a good looking dude. Whatever the case is with Adkins, it’s pretty clear why he had his mouth sewn shut as Weapon XI in X-Men Origins: Wolverine.
I admit, this is kind of a cop out since I’m keeping it short this time but I’m in a hurry tonight and you’re hungry for some new Halloween trivia. So I’m taking the high road, a little sexy makes the bitter pill go down easier so here you go. The following list is the common result of a chain email that has been circulating since the late 90’s’. If you’re on the internet, you have received dozens of these. None of them ever seem to have a point and what’s weirder, they never seem to be selling anything. They just threaten your personal safety unless you send it along to ten of your friends. This one has probably popped up in some bad stand-up comic’s routine at some point, as well. As much as I love Halloween, I take issue with the comparison of Halloween over sex, but that’s just me and who’s to say you can’t combine the two?
You’re guaranteed to get a little something in the sack.
The uglier you are, the easier it is to get some
It doesn’t matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning
Less guilt the morning after
It doesn’t matter if they fantasize you’re someone else, because you are
Forty years from now you’ll still enjoy candy
If you don’t get what you want, you can always go next door
If you’re tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go again
You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you some
I ran way late with this update for my column, The Weekly Bodycount over at Sound On Sight, but here it is. Frequently being pigeonholed as a horror guy led me to inject my latest horror column with some Asian flavor since I happen to be just as big a fan of martial arts as I do horror. I’ve also been looking for any reason, lately, to talk about Story of Ricky. So here you go. Tomorrow’s column is already in place, expect more Asian flair, this time from Japan.
The first Marvel Zombies series was a lot of fun as Earth’s (and otherwise) mightiest heroes were infected with a disease that turned them into zombies. Aided by their individual powers, they managed to eat the entire Marvel Universe, including Galactus! But the power of the ducket cannot be denied and Marvel launched a second series, picking up exactly where the first left off, leaving only a handful of human survivors on Earth under Black Panther’s protection. Unfortunately, the covers to Marvel Zombies 2, zombie spoofs of classic Marvel Comics covers from the past, were the best part of the book and the whole concept managed to jump the shark by the final pages of issue number one. Suffice to say, I rode it out through a few issues and then let it go.
But Marvel Zombies continues to be a profitable venture and Marvel’s writers have come to realize that they haven’t quite killed off everyone in the continuity, they manage to dredge up some of their minor characters to stay and fight the zombies in Marvel Zombies 3 and carry them into the fourth entry in the series and where I wouldn’t ordinarily give a fuck, well, these are characters that bring nostalgia to mind for me.
When I first began buying comics, I would drop a little money on back issues of Marvel’s horror titles from the 70’s. I’m talking Ghost Rider, Werewolf By Night, Tomb of Dracula and Man-Thing. The restrictive nature of the Comics Code made it difficult for Marvel’s writers to fall back on convenient horror themes of the time so they had to get creative and as distinctly 70’s-ish as these books are, there’s a real darkness about them that’s easy enough for the saturday matinee crowd.
So here comes Marvel Zombies 4, starring Daimon Hellstrom (Son of Satan), Jack Russell (Werewolf By Night), Man-Thing, Morbius the Living Vampire and Jennifer Kale. Horror fans have a tendency to gravitate toward these characters that Marvel has swept under the rug time and time again even though writers are lined up around the block to resurrect them and bring them back into the continuity. Marvel Zombies is what it is and I’m not holding my breath for anything high quality, but it thrills me to see some of Marvel’s horror comics superstars all appearing in one book. I just have to wonder where Dracula, Frankenstein and Marvel’s original Zombie is through all of this.
Do you like Kung Fu? Do you like Jet Li? Well, you’re in luck because I have one copy of the upcoming Dragon Dynasty release of Jet Li’s The Enforcer (aka My Father Is A Hero) to give away to one lucky winner.
How do I get this DVD, you might ask? Quite simple, actually. To enter the drawing, you must do the following:
1. If you are not already using Twitter, start an account.
2. If you are not following my updates, follow @CinemaSuicide. I will follow you back. Only then can you:
3. DM me the following message, “Enter me in the Enforcer drawing” – followed by your name and email address.
I’ll draw one name from the pool on Friday, the 13th and that person will receive the DVD, a Cinema Suicide t-shirt and whatever else I have laying around here.
You may ask, what’s all this about Twitter, then? Well, Twitter is fun. I use it a lot and you can use it to do a couple of things in relation to this site. You can regularly interact with me, discuss articles, movies, whatever is on your mind, really. You can also use it to keep up with new content here at the site. Every time a new article goes up, my Twitter status updates with the title, the first couple of lines and a link back here so you’ll always be on top of the latest Cinema Suicide articles.
A while back I reported on Lost Zombies, who I still advertise here. I loved their idea of crowdsourcing a zombie movie from amateur submissions, no matter what your location. I’m all in favor of new media and I love the idea of putting the creative power in the hands of the fans and seeing what they come up with. But I thought their approach was a little scattershot. Forming a single cohesive vision about how the world ends at the hands of shambling, hungry zombies requires a little coordination. This is a minor flaw, of course. Lost Zombies has some fun videos over there. But right now I’m here to talk about the latest amateur zombie flick to come out of the computing cloud.
Nation Undead eschews the notion of a social networking platform. It’s less Myspace/Youtube and more straight ahead filmmaking. But there’s a catch. It’s not a free for all. To participate, there is something you need to consider. Where in the country do you live? Nation Undead has divided the country into zones. Depending on where you live, your situation is different. Some parts have become completely overrun and are just pockets of the living managing to survive among legions of zombies. Others are facing a complete breakdown of order in the face of spreading anarchy. Here in New Hampshire, foreign military has locked out the threat to some degree and has maintained a fragile martial order. But the problem is that people don’t have information and no one is talking. Things are quickly coming apart.
It sounds as though World War Z plays a huge role in the inspiration of this project and I can’t say that I blame them. Max Brooks’ vision of the world spiralling out of control was pretty engaging, though Nation Undead is looking a lot bleaker than Brooks’ book. Nothing is in stone but I’m already talking to a few media making friends of mine about organizing a short for submission.
Definitely take some time to acquaint yourself with the site and for god’s sake, make your own god damn movie. This looks like it’ll be a ton of fun.
Here’s a genuinely weird twist on the usually neglected state of horror movies, particularly zombie flicks. The J. Michael Straczynski script for Brad Pitt’s Plan B production company has been in limbo for some time and I was pretty certain that this movie would never be made. Looks like I was wrong.
Variety reports that the adaptation of Max Brooks’ stellar “oral history” of a global zombie outbreak has signed a director. A good one, at that. Marc Forster, director of Finding Neverland, Monster’s Ball and most recently, the latest Bond flick, Quantum of Solace, has been signed to direct.
It’s important that World War Z get a quality production crew behind it. Where the zombie movies of the last decade have been lacking the impact of the films from the height of the concept, Zombie fiction has been taking flight, going in unique directions that manage to avoid the gun fantasy that most contemporary zombie movies become. If you haven’t read it, you really should at this point. World War Z is a hybrid between your typical novel and a short story anthology. One world, one continuity, short stories taking place in that continuity. It’s an anthology of survivor tales from all over the world as Zombies become a real problem. It’s a remarkably grim and straight faced protrayal of the end of the world.
Where before I was pretty tired of zombie movies, I’m pretty pumped about this news. If there is one adaptation I want to see and see done right, it’s this baby.
Hollywood, we need to talk. I know that you’re having difficulties in the creativity department lately what with all these comic book adaptations and remakes of old horror movies, but this has got to stop. You’ve gone too far this time. Consider this your intervention.
I’m not at all kidding when I report to you that Ridley Scott of Scott brothers fame, the better Scott brother, director of Blade Runner (i.e. the coolest sci fi movie ever) has been signed to direct a big-screen adaptation of Monopoly. Yes, that Monopoly. The one with the dog and the boot vying for real estate supremacy in Atlantic City. Your favorite and mine, popularized by the once mighty Parker Brothers. But wait, this gets even weirder. Apparently, Scott is looking to give it:
an eye toward giving it a futuristic sheen along the lines of his iconic “Blade Runner.”
But here’s the best part. This says it all.
“Monopoly” marks the latest Hasbro property to look to pass go and head to the big screen. Board games and branded properties have become more attractive as studios look to mitigate risk by finding built-in audiences.
Universal is working with Hasbro on several projects as part of a long-term development deal. Platinum Dunes is producing its feature adaptation of “Ouija Board,” while the maritime classic “Battleship” is also in development. Elsewhere at Hasbro, Paramount this summer is set to release Stephen Sommers’ feature based on its “G.I. Joe” character. And “Trivial Pursuit: America Plays” is now airing as a syndicated television program.
Built in audiences. Adaptations of board games. Minimizing risk at the box office by offering people a structured narrative by way of an open ended board game with no real story to tell. Thanks, Hollywood. You really suck.
Let me tell you something. We love Rhode Island filmmakers up in the place and when writer/director Tony Nunes hit me up with the link to his Zombie Allegiance trailer, all he had to do was drop the name Richard Griffin, who is director of photography on this flick to generate a little Cinema Suicide interest. Back when we first started covering Beyond The Dunwich Horror, news came down that Griffin was contributing to this piece as well, a post-nuke zombie movie with the proper dose of Romero style social criticism.
Every indie filmmaker is making a zombie movie these days, it’s the easiest thing to do on no cash and the fanboys come running at the mere mention of the walking dead but few indies even attempt the informed social approach that Romero pioneered. So color me interested in Nunes’ flick.
The film takes place in a post nuclear WWIII America, where
those who were not killed in the attacks, were turned to zombies by a second biological attack. The world is mostly dead, and those who survived are either vigilantes, or desperate survivalists. One such group of survivalists find themselves defending their lives from much more than zombies and vigilantes, when strange disappearances start to occur. Religion, politics, and the fundamental struggle of right and wrong construct a backdrop to what is much more than a zombie/slasher flick, but a true account of American values. Zombie Allegiance is a unique take on what George Romero, and George Miller have constructed as a bleak future. In a wasteland of death and decay, selfish pride is the greatest villain of all.
Look, I know some of you reading this are in Israel and The UK but for those of you reading this in the United States, get off your ass and get out to the polls. Vote. Now. It is absolutely vital that you do this. Not registered? Check your local laws and see how it goes down but right here in New Hampshire you can just show up, register and then get in line to cast your vote.
And for the record, Cinema Suicide wholeheartedly endorses Senator Barack Obama for president. I’ve already cast my vote this morning. Now it’s your turn.
Also, if you’re voting in the state of California: Vote NO on Proposition 8.
Now back to our regularly scheduled program of depravity.
It’s a hallmark of proper exploitation to produce a low budget version of a theatrical sensation and even though Ninja Assassin seems to have slipped through the cracks of this year’s much-bemoaned short box office dollar, there’s certainly room for imitators because ninjas are timeless, baby! Who doesn’t like a good ninja movie? More to the point, who doesn’t like a bad ninja movie? In the 80’s, Golan Globus and Sho Kosugi carved veritable video store empires with a series of godawfully shameful ninja flicks, many of which starred round eyed gaijin holding high ranking positions in a tradition of martial arts that is historically exclusive to the Japanese. This, itself, is hilarious but it’s also an artifact of 80’s racist policies about Western audiences embracing ethnic hero archetypes in their schlocky, stupid fucking movies. Still, it’s an ironic breath of fresh air to find that this policy is alive and well in 2009.
I admit, this is kind of a cop out since I’m keeping it short this time but I’m in a hurry tonight and you’re hungry for some new Halloween trivia. So I’m taking the high road, a little sexy makes the bitter pill go down easier so here you go. The following list is the common result of a chain email that has been circulating since the late 90’s’. If you’re on the internet, you have received dozens of these. None of them ever seem to have a point and what’s weirder, they never seem to be selling anything. They just threaten your personal safety unless you send it along to ten of your friends. This one has probably popped up in some bad stand-up comic’s routine at some point, as well. As much as I love Halloween, I take issue with the comparison of Halloween over sex, but that’s just me and who’s to say you can’t combine the two?
The first Marvel Zombies series was a lot of fun as Earth’s (and otherwise) mightiest heroes were infected with a disease that turned them into zombies. Aided by their individual powers, they managed to eat the entire Marvel Universe, including Galactus! But the power of the ducket cannot be denied and Marvel launched a second series, picking up exactly where the first left off, leaving only a handful of human survivors on Earth under Black Panther’s protection. Unfortunately, the covers to Marvel Zombies 2, zombie spoofs of classic Marvel Comics covers from the past, were the best part of the book and the whole concept managed to jump the shark by the final pages of issue number one. Suffice to say, I rode it out through a few issues and then let it go.
Do you like Kung Fu? Do you like Jet Li? Well, you’re in luck because I have one copy of the upcoming Dragon Dynasty release of Jet Li’s The Enforcer (aka My Father Is A Hero) to give away to one lucky winner.
Here’s a genuinely weird twist on the usually neglected state of horror movies, particularly zombie flicks. The J. Michael Straczynski script for Brad Pitt’s Plan B production company has been in limbo for some time and I was pretty certain that this movie would never be made. Looks like I was wrong.
Hollywood, we need to talk. I know that you’re having difficulties in the creativity department lately what with all these comic book adaptations and remakes of old horror movies, but this has got to stop. You’ve gone too far this time. Consider this your intervention.
Let me tell you something. We love Rhode Island filmmakers up in the place and when writer/director Tony Nunes hit me up with the link to his Zombie Allegiance trailer, all he had to do was drop the name Richard Griffin, who is director of photography on this flick to generate a little Cinema Suicide interest. Back when we first started covering Beyond The Dunwich Horror, news came down that Griffin was contributing to this piece as well, a post-nuke zombie movie with the proper dose of Romero style social criticism.
Look, I know some of you reading this are in Israel and The UK but for those of you reading this in the United States, get off your ass and get out to the polls. Vote. Now. It is absolutely vital that you do this. Not registered? Check your local laws and see how it goes down but right here in New Hampshire you can just show up, register and then get in line to cast your vote.
