28 Mar

Cinematic Titanic: Blood of the Vampires

Posted by Bryan White | Saturday March 28, 2009 | Reviews

blood of the vampiresI have difficulties reviewing Cinematic Titanic releases because I’m not sure if I should even address the movie.  I mean, if it has the Cinematic Titanic label on it, you’re pretty safe in your assumption that the movie is a turkey. The riffing is always solid gold, though.  These are the people who took your standard exercise of bong rips and bad movies and elevated it to an art form. They’re always honing their craft, though, and it’s evident in the latest release, the mind-bogglingly godawful Blood of the Vampires, that they’re finding the rhythm they had in their native land of Mystery Science Theater 3000.  My gripe from the start of Cinematic Titanic has been that their riffs come across as rehearsed, which they are, but MST3K had a masterful delivery that sounded like improvisation. The trend continues, yet you can tell who is at home with the riffing and who isn’t.

To keep it brief, the Escodero family is cursed with a matronly vampire living in a hidden crypt. The shit hits the fan when she wakes up and bites her children who can’t seem to accept her fate. At the same time there’s a romantic angle as one of the Escodero sisters has married a man that no one else seems to like and with their new, ferocious Philipino vampire powers, the undead Escoderos take the opportunity to break them up.  In the meantime, all of this is taking place in 19th century Mexico and any given set is populated by actors and actresses in blackface playing happy slaves, none of whom seem to have the ability to communicate beyond the level of a todler. It’s fucking madness is what I’m trying to tell you.

Blood of the Vampires represents Cinematic Titanic’s first real success story. The other six releases are pretty good but this one knocks it out of the park with a barrage of riffs that come fast and funny. I’d like to see the skits mature a bit and become more than brief breaks in the movie to let the cast catch their breath but once again, Cinematic Titanic delivers a solid, extremely funny product at a decent cost. Sure, you could probably find Blood of the Vampires in one of those 100 movies for $10 boxes but that way you’re paying too much for a shitty movie. This way, you get some good laughs at the expense of a movie that has no business being.

You can buy the DVD or download an ISO here.

1 Comment 

  1. March 28, 2009 1:35 pm

    Retroman Steve

    I agree while I enjoyed the previous releases of Cinematic Titanic, there was still something off. Like it wasn’t as natural flow of jabs and it sounded a bit too rehearsed. Your review now has my expectations higher so I will be ordering it. The purchase download is insanely too large of a file.

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